One of the last hallmarks of culture and civilisation is the evolution of moral behaviour and a collective ethic, which mystically combine towards a generalised appreciation of Right and Wrong. This inevitably creates semi-mythical iconic figures specific to a population, society or frat-house, which embody the very essence of these basic ideals. As cultural history diversifies, moving from an oral to a written tradition, every cultural group eventually creates their own version of The Bogeyman. Sometimes mythical, sometimes literal; sometimes even a duck, the Bogeyman, has dark and mysterious powers, that can be blamed for the ills and misfortunes of the community at large. And occasionally scares small children, apparently.
The tight-knit community of Foldit is no exception.
His name is LovelyFluffyBunny, sometimes invoked in the chat-channel as LFB.
The ‘history’ of LFB contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate. Of course nobody knows his name or origin, but it is believed he came from the west. Almost certainly one of the first and early players, he may have been part of the Freedom Folders, one of the first teams. Disillusioned and unhappy by the garish colour and unfeasible lapels of the team uniform, he is thought to have turned away from his path, and never actively folded again. And then changed his name to Lucy.
But of course, no-one really knows...
LFB first came to real prominence in the fall of 2009, after being implicated in the mass disappearance of numerous talented folders. In the world of Foldit, successful players come and go, but it is thought that these ‘missing’ folders were quietly ‘invited’ to the state-of-the-art UW basement facilities, where their technique and strategy was ‘analysed’. Thoroughly. The ‘Missing Ones’, as they became known, occasionally re-appeared after several months, but were never really the same, having lost the ability to speel corectly, and oddly developing an addiction to 1960’s french progressive jazz music. LFB was believed chosen to deliver those invitations, and may have been involved in the basement ‘analysis’, holding the light steady at tricky moments. The whereabouts of dejerpha, monteecristo and Vman are still unknown.
The events surrounding the Great Server Crash of 2010, and LFB’s role within it, are shrouded in mystery. That LFB returned to the basement, met and fell in love with the UnderGrad With The Calculator, played some tetris, but discovered she MAY have been his sister, is open to speculation. That LFB spilt a soft drink over a grey box that turned out to have a ballistic metachlorian count, a winking red light that suggested an active electrical connection, but no surge protection, is perhaps lost to the view of historians... No evidence exists that LFB and the UnderGrad perished in the explosion, or that it was a deliberate act of mayhem. What caused that fire, the very next day was officially recorded as meteorites, the size of baseballs and Volkswagens. No-one knows if the UnderGrad returned, or was ever replaced in the basement, diligently adding up global solo puzzle rank scores, with mexican food to one side, and a 10W desk-light to the other, forever dreaming of what colour trees are...
However, as conspiracy theorists point out - solo and evo puzzle scores are still incorrect,
and LFB reappeared in January 2011. As you can see, golf is still not a major factor in his life.
It may be the unfounded rumour that LFB was an - or perhaps THE - original chat moderator, and took his responsibilities of upholding and enforcing etiquette just too seriously, that lead to him assuming the role of ethical guardian. In the true spirit of bogeymen, his methods seem to be based on implication and supposition, rather than evidence. The appearance, or attempted appearance on your group chat channel, suggest that you may have come to his attention. After his alleged involvement in the Venzuelan mafia, he is believed to favour the use of one, two or three dead matches to signal his intentions - a clever play on the ‘3 strikes and out’ regulation of American Baseball. A single struck match, contained in an e-mail, a conversation or even a dream, may refer to an ill-thought-out comment you may have posted in chat. 2 matches, in an envelope, outside your door one morning, indicates a more serious escalation. No-one knows the significance of 3, but it may form the basis of why cricket is played at all, in the first place.
Like Keyser Söze, we only hear the more outrageous and almost certainly inaccurate aspects of LFB. Some of them include -
With only 4 left fingers, 5 right, 6 left toes and 7 right - he has never been to Guatemala. Calculating the exchange rate could potentially kill him.
17 miles from Chernobyl, he relaxes in the balmy back-porch of his ranch compound - the only state-licensed chupacabras farm in the world.
He is the identical twin brother of Lady Gaga.
The only verified facts are these -
Having studied the lesser known Portuguese martial art of Con Neq-Ta Quatro, he once killed 71 people with a single eye-lash. (This may be a simple translation error)
He once in Milton Keynes.
(c) Foldit Historical Archive 2011